She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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