i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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