I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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