____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
