I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
