she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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