Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
