Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
