gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my being single is dangerous.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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