Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
