We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
