Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
