I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need water and some morals
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
