If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
