if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
