I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize