There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
A+ Viking dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
