maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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