I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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