people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
