how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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