I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
