trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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