my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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