you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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