So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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