Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
