Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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