You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
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Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
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Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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