I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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