saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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