8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
