She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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