I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
