How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize