It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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