When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
