I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
