I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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