there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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