I'm gonna have a badass scar
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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