mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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