Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
