she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
