Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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