im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Please don't give away my fajitas
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
