I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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