she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The beers last night were like the tears from god
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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