Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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