The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
