i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
