Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
