You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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