Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
