look no pants
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
