Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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