Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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