I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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