Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
