1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
