is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
