i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
