Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
