How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i used baking grease as lip gloss
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
