Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
