I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think a kid would responsible me up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
