thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
