maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
