there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
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Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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