I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
