I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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