I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
