Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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