She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
