Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
