so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
