Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
