zippers are such a cool invention
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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