my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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