I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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