i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
