i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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