We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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