Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think I am morally bankrupt
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
