you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
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i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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