my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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