He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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