So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
