i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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